The Sociopath Enigma

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We love Sociopaths.  With an almost ghoulish glee we watch the latest dramas broadcast for that thrill of the unknown or unknowable, the darker side of human nature.  Being the observer without being involved.  You only have to look at the shows that are so popular:  Dexter, Bones, NCIS, CSI, Wire in the Blood and many more.  All of them having appearances by, or headlining the psychopath.  The movies are there to tantalize too; Hannibal or American Pscyho.

If you believed everything you saw on television you would think that all Sociopaths are violent criminal masterminds with blood on their hands.  The actual fact is that most people with Anti-Social Personality Disorder (The clinical diagnosis that includes the Sociopath and the Narcissist) would demonstrate no overt violence.  A good majority of them never draw attention to themselves in any negative light.

In the most simple terms, a sociopath has a lack of  conscience.  There is no, or little, emotional connection to those around them, or the world at large.  The connections they make are about personal gain, or “winning the game”.

If every person suffering from ASPD was imprisoned for a violent crime, our prisons would be bursting at the seams.  Consider that one in twenty-five people classifies as having enough of the indicators to be classed a sociopath.  Based on a total UK population of  58 and a half million people, 4% of those are Sociopaths; That is a total of 2,340,000.  Of course it is not all doom and gloom.  That means that 96% of people are not Sociopaths.

The tricky thing when picking out the Sociopath is that their rules are not our rules and their triggers are not our triggers.  We tend to see our world very much in shades of our own.  We measure other people’s behavior on how we think we would act in the same situation.  Quite often the person devoid of any conscience will think very differently about goals, perspectives and cares little for the opinions of others.

The catch is that you can never be sure that you are in the presence of a sociopath, because they look just like everyone else.  They don’t have a t-shirt proclaiming their lack of conscience and they don’t have to let you know by any law.  The sociopath has two very powerful weapons in their arsenal.   The first is the superficial charm.  They can be very engaging people, stand out from the crowd.  They can be the sort of person you meet and feel like you have known them for years.  Paul Ekman himself once said that he would know a sociopath straight away, because he would want to invite them to dinner within five minutes of being introduced.  For most, the sociopath would appear to be “such a lovely person”.  The sociopath is a manipulator with such Machiavellian ability that even when you suspect that something isn’t right, they will have you doubting yourself.

I have been in direct contact with a sociopath, who to this day is probably unaware of this fact.  Let us call him A.  A never really seemed to want much out of life.  But the idea of working for a living was something that just didn’t seem to fit with the life style that he wanted.  He would like to spend his days pottering about the house about a hobby or just watching television.  He had lots of acquaintances, indeed he seemed to develop new ones on a weekly basis, and they were always ready to offer a hand out to get him through when he was struggling.   He claimed depression and this was the reason that he was unable to work, and oh how he wished he could be better so that he could get on with his life.  A had a partner, let’s call him S.  S doted on A.  He would do just about anything for him and was always there when he was needed. Despite this A still managed to develop these friendships that turned out to be so much more.  When S became aware of these assignations, he was told by A that there was nothing to them, and it was just idle gossip from people who wanted to hurt A.  A would often say how pathetic he felt and how depressed.

This is the key to the second weapon that the sociopath uses, and the most powerful.  They use our pity against us.  They make us feel sorry for them.  They manipulate the words and how they feel so that our heart goes out to them.  A performed this feat regularly and potently.

We have since parted ways and had I known then what I know now I would never have got into a situation like that.  The one person I do feel sorry for in all of this is S.  S probably had no clue that he was simply a meal ticket.  When S and A split, S was probably made to feel that it was all his fault, that there was something he had done to make the break up happen.  In reality S was no longer any use to A and had been cast aside.

The sociopath uses our very nature against us. They know far better how we work than we do and they use our compassion and conscience as a weapon against us to further their own chances of “winning the game.”

The American Psychiatric Association states that someone should be classed as a Sociopath of they have at least 3 of the following seven characteristics:

Failure to conform to social norms.

Deceitfulness and Manipulation

Impulsive and failure to plan ahead

Irritability and Aggressiveness

Reckless disregard for the safety of oneself or others

Consistent irresponsibility

Lack of remorse after having hurt, mistreated or stolen from another.

Without doubt A had 6 of those seven characteristics.

 

Even today I still look back on the situation as it was and think that I should have known better.  But the fact of the matter is, that even if I had, A would have manipulated the situation to make me doubt myself, even with all my natural instincts.  Key to that fact is that the sociopath having no conscience would not show remorse or guilt for any of their actions.  One of the most valuable factors in detecting deception.  Risk of discovery for the Sociopath is also reduced.  By experience they know they can talk themselves out of a situation, so even if they are caught out, they will have you doubting your own ideas.

 

 

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Get out of my face!

Personal space is very important to us.  We have boundaries, imaginary fields of the acceptable and unacceptable.  Some are socially adaptive changing their frontiers depending on where we are at the time, some are emotionally adaptive based on trust and acceptance.

Standing on the concourse of Euston Station you can see excellent examples of both situations.

In the UK we are very clear on our personal space.  In most cases, with people we don’t know, our personal space usually extends about two feet from our body.  However, in Japan this can be three feet or more.  In the UK a handshake is an acceptable greeting, it allows that two feet distance to be maintained but is an acceptable invasion of space.  In Japan the formal bow remains distant, it is considered inappropriate to touch.

Most of us maintain comfortable safe distance but we easily adapt to the current situation.  In a crowded railway station the two feet barrier almost disappears.  Even some  elements of physical contact almost become acceptable.  Cram all those people onto a train and personal space becomes restricted to literally just around the head and face. Something that the professional pick-pocket relies upon to ply their trade.  Moving out of the train and back into an open space and our personal borders re-assert themselves.

Emotional barriers work slightly differently, adapting over time and situation.

Two people meeting for the first date usually have their borders firmly in place, but as time goes on these barriers are either reduced, or reinforced depending on the response of the individuals.  Subtle shifts in position and posture, leaning forward, moving the hands into the no-man’s land across the table top are all signs that the barriers are being removed and an invitation to personal space.  Social grooming is the sign of trust and acceptance.  Reaching out to brush lint from a shoulder.

Do not assume that once a boundary has been relaxed that it will stay as such.  These psychological barriers can be very quickly re-established if trust is lost.  Stepping away,  refusing to meet the eyes, flinching away from the grooming hand; all very clear social signals that trust is not given.

Remember, different cultures have very different social rules for personal space, and there are always individual differences.  Don’t assume that someone accepts the same approaches that you will.  Look for the responses to your actions and behaviours.  Don’t assume.

Variety is the spice of life.

Monotony – Bad : Variety – Good

In the daily grind, it is very important to try to stay away from the daily grind.  It doesn’t matter what we do for a job, we will always have those niggling little duties that are tedious but just have to be done.

There are 2 fast ways to cause stress in an employee.   The first is the most commonly understood and recognised, overworked and undervalued.  Asking someone to do more work than they are capable of coping with.  They end up bogged down with their to-do list getting long er and longer with no end in sight.  This is de-motivating and further reduces productivity.  You are looking at someone who is very likely to burn out in a short space of time.

The less recognised cause of stress is the lack of variety.  This is impacts on the creative personality the most.   In many ways this can be more detrimental than over working.  First of all the mind starts to wander, when that happens mistakes start to be made.  Self doubt and stress develop.

Make sure that your staff stay engaged, break up the monotony of the day-to-day with other tasks and challenges that they can get their teeth into.  If there is nothing in their working role that allows that to happen consider a rotational pattern to allow people variety, or allow challenges in other ways.

A challenged and engaged employee tends to be more successful, less prone to making mistakes, and more likely to engage with new ideas when they come along.  A failure to engage and support staff is a slippery slope to malcontent.  Once you have a disgruntled member of staff, it becomes more and more difficult to bring them back.

People have different levels of tolerance for stress and boredom, so there is not yardstick measure of what is right.  Each person should be treated as the individual they are.  Regular contact with the troops is the best way to notice those changes in mood.  This is where larger companies are sometimes sadly lacking.

Listening to the staff is only half the battle and many of the people in this situation may have already reached the point of “What is the point of complaining? Nothing ever changes!”  Sadly, this is very often the case.  Many companies call themselves “Investors in People” and have a nice plaque in their offices to prove it.  In most cases this means that they have training and development programmes in place.  That is not really investing in people, that is just making sure your staff have the skills to do the job.  Once again they miss out that important factor of Emotional Salary.  Remembering that their staff are people and individuals, and not just pieces of equipment.  Companies even avoid calling the staff their people, using instead the term FTE (Full Time Employee).  A personal dislike of mine.  That is distancing language, it is dehumanising the individual into a 35 hour a week piece of equipment.

Everyone has a different set of skills and traits that make them what they are, this should be taken into consideration when you are recruiting and when you are developing staff.  We are still very much in the mind of employing people for a role.  This is fine in its own way, as long as you are clear what the role is and its responsibilities, but how much more amazing would it be to find someone with skills and think “how can I use them?” Now that would be recruitment way ahead of the crowd.

Look at the people you have already, you may have lurking in your teams a new Sales person, a team manager or an analyst.   Don’t get bogged down on if they have experience, aptitude and skill sets can be developed; attitude needs to be nurtured.

No one employs unmotivated negative individuals, they are created by who they work for.

 

With a curl of the lip, he is not Elvis

“Contempt is the weapon of the weak and a defence against one’s own despised and unwanted feelings.” – Alice Miller.

We are all capable of it.  We see a quality in someone who we don’t like or find immoral or substandard and we start the climb to the moral high ground.

Human beings are naturally a social creature and as such we have a certain established social hierarchy.  This has been much convoluted over the years, mainly through the development of our higher brain processes, established deferential protocols in business and so forth.  you have to love that neo-cortex.  However, we are still at the mercy of our limbic brain when it comes to some of our daily interactions.  Contempt is one of the most unusual of the seven base emotions for two reasons.  Firstly, it is the only unilateral expression in that it only happens on one side of the face.  Secondly, it requires a moral comparative to take place.  The other six base emotions do not have to have a second individual involved.  You can be happy, angry or sad, even disgusted without another person being involved.  Contempt requires direct interaction with another individual.  It comes by the assessment of that individual and their actions in direct comparison to how we would behave in the same situation, or as a direct result of a previous interaction.  Contempt is filled with self-identity.  It requires an element of higher brain function but is still shown at the Micro-facial expression level showing that it can still appear on the face before the cognitive mind has a chance to get in the way.

As mentioned contempt is the only unilateral universal expression.  There doesn’t seem to be any definitive study on which side of the face it tends to appear on, but I have noticed (not scientifically measured) that right-handed people tend to show contempt on the left side of the face and vice-versa.  Perhaps others would like to confirm or deny this observation.

Contempt is shown by a tightening of the cheek muscle, pulling the lips up and outwards, almost a half-smile, though there is no involvement with the muscles around the eye.  Sometimes, though not always, the head will tip backwards slightly giving the appearance of  “looking down the nose”.

Let me point out at this time, that Elvis was not showing contempt in his lip curl, though that lip is almost the further extension of the contempt expression into the sneer.  A demonstration that is almost a contempt/disgust blend.  Sometimes the contempt comes with dismissive emblems, the flick of the hand, the closed shoulder and a prolonged blink when using dismissive language.

Contempt is not a pleasant emotion to be on the receiving end of.  It is degrading, it makes you feel worthless.  In a working relationship if a staff member demonstrates contempt for a superior, that working relationship is likely to be unrecoverable.  This can be said also for a customer to a supplier.

As the quote from Alice at the head of this post says; you often see contempt being raised when someone sees something they don’t like about themselves in another person.

Contempt can easily lead to disgust and anger, and that itself leads to a whole heap of problems of its own.

Roll up – Roll up!

“There is something that you are not telling me”

How can you tell if there is something more that someone wants to add, but for some reason they are “holding their tongue”.  There are various ways and these can change depending on cultural background. But I am going to look at a couple of the more common ones.

A fair description of what goes on is what I have already said, holding your tongue.  When you are looking for clues to deception it is not always about telling a direct lie, sometimes deception can be accomplished by omission of information.  This can often be more difficult to spot.

Holding the tongue between the teeth is a signal that someone is trying to resist the temptation to say something, just as is the cheek bite.  Remember though, you may not be sure what the information being held back is.  It may not be a lie as such, there may be no intention of deceit.  They may be holding back on something they feel personally embarrassed or ashamed about.  We must also consider baseline.  This may be a normal operating procedure for them. Maybe they have a sore tongue, maybe they have dry lips.  Only by knowing what is usual, can you see what is unusual.

The other holding sign is the lip roll.  Rolling the lips inwards between the teeth or pressing the lips together so that the darker lip area disappears.  This is a really good indicator that someone is trying to hold back on saying something.  Consider other factors along side.  Nothing happens in isolation, you will need to look at the other signs at the same time.   Rolling the lips with a lowered brown and raised lower eyelid is closer to a sign of anger.  You can almost guarantee that someone is holding in their anger.

You have to consider many options when people don’t want to tell you something.  Don’t assume that there is a vindictive or deceptive reason for doing so.  Perhaps they are considering the impact of what they might say and sparing the feelings of those around them.

To make an assumption on what you see is inviting error.  Dr. Ekman called this the Othello Error.  Making an assumption that what you see means something specific rather than looking at the alternative possibilities.

Just what are you capable of?

So many people have the nay-say attitude, they stand in your way telling you that things can’t be done, that’s not going to happen, you won’t succeed.

For many years I myself felt that I would not accomplish much, and the biggest nay-sayer was myself.  I spent my early working years on a YTS scheme.  For those of you not brought up during the Thatcher years in the UK, this was a way of replacing the Apprenticeship system to get people out of school and straight into work.  Paying a basic limited wage with the intention of learning skills for a job.  I didn’t want this to be my life, but I had bills to pay.

From the age of sixteen I have steered my own path and made of myself what I could.  I am by no means an entrepreneur, but I can say that all my accomplishments have been my own.  Despite being told “you can’t do that!”

The only person that knows what you are capable of, is you!

It is very easy when we are low, when we seem to keep coming up against barriers in trying to accomplish things, to fall into a pattern enforced by people who have no concept of the damage that they can do.

If I had accepted what others believed, I would never have spent eight years as a successful Club DJ.  A career I loved with a passion.  It was hard work.  I worked late nights and usually had to follow those with long waits on station platforms waiting for a train back home.

When I became ill in 2005 and I had to make a decision to leave that life behind for something with more stability.  At the time I really had no choice over that decision, so I never grieved for that loss.  But what would have happened if I would have listened to the people saying that is not a real job?

It is very easy to fall into the trap of self-doubt.  Let us face facts, there are many people out there that are willing to put you down and get in your way if it will further their own agenda.  It can seem like every direction you turn starts to bring up a brick wall and your self-esteem starts to suffer. Don’t let it!

Next time you find yourself questioning your own abilities, or someone else does, remember, only you can know what you are truly capable of.  The challenge is going beyond that boundary to accomplish something more.  Then think of the satisfaction you will have of a job well done.  Let us be honest to ourselves, a little bit of shameful joy at proving the nay-sayers wrong is very satisfying.

Consider also before you discredit someone else’s ideas, consider the impact that might have, and look at a different way of delivering the message.

Remaining positive is key and the Stanislavski method has some elements that can help with this.  When you construct an emotion on your face and in your body posture you will actually start to feel elements of that emotion.  If you start to smile you will start to feel the happier emotion itself.  If you start looking angry you will feel the irritation and frustration you associate with anger.   Use this method to your advantage.  Next time you are feeling that low ebb, raise your head, jut out your chin, square your shoulders and challenge the world to a fight of wills you know you can win!

Infectious Emotions

As I have mentioned in a previous post, we are an empathic race.  We react to the emotions of people around us and mirror those emotions ourselves.  This is something that must be considered when you are in a working environment.  They say that familiarity breeds contempt, but more accurately contempt breeds contempt.

When building a team of people you have to consider a number of factors.  Firstly, you have to look at the skill sets that you are putting together to make sure there are no holes in the talent pool that you have.  But a lot of people when building a team don’t  seem to spend a lot of time looking at the emotional make up of the people they are putting together.  Ever since the early 90s a lot of stock has been put into psychometric testing.  Personally, I not only think these tests are flawed but can be manipulated and wildly inaccurate.  The same can be said in a way for assessment tests.

Scientists will often say that lab experiments have a built-in flaw.  But putting things into controlled settings you are removing an element of chance or chaos.  The unexpected.  I would say the same of the assessments that some staff are put through as part of the interview process.  You have been made aware that an assessment is part of the process.  You have had an opportunity to prepare, there is nothing really unexpected about it.

Psychometrics will tell you a little about someone’s character as long as they don’t know how to fool the tests, and assessments will give you an idea of someone’s reasoning abilities, but what about when things suddenly change?

Sudden onset of a stressful situation can change the dynamic and really turn the tables on the team.  Someone who tests well could become a complete liability.  Logical thinkers can not always take that leap of faith and think on the ball and come up with an inspirational solution.   Logical thinkers test well because there is a process to follow from start to finish.  Activists, or kinetic thinkers,  get bored by the hum-drum.  When situations are controlled and planned, they can get bored and can become easily distracted, looking for the next challenge.  These are the people who don’t tend to test well, but when you put them on the spot in a tense situation they shine.

What does this have to do with infection emotions?  If you get someone inclined to panic, you could end up in a situation.  Panic is a strong emotional response and falls under the Fear family of emotions.  In many cases it can overwhelm the calm.  Fear is demonstrated on our faces to warn people that something is happening they need to be aware of.  The signal needs to be passed on so that the whole community can be aware of the risk.

A good team should have elements of both logical and kinetic thinkers and the responsibilities of each team member should match their skills.

We are very set in our ways when it comes to recruitment.  There are ways that things are done, because that is the way they have always been done.  Almost like sheep everyone does the same thing without looking at different ways of doing things.

I am a firm believer that attitude is far more important than any already pre-existing skills in a new recruit.  Passion and attitude is far more difficult to create.  Aptitude and skills can be trained and learned.

So if someone doesn’t hit your target score on your assessment for working out percentages and synonyms.  If they have passion, drive, enthusiasm and an over all belief in your company and what it stands for; give them a chance, a job and buy them a calculator and a dictionary.  If someone truly believes in the company they are working for, they will work to overcome the issues of skill themselves.

The way that our financial climate is at the moment I believe that some companies need to look at the way they recruit.  There is a huge pool of untapped talent out there that is getting overlooked because they failed to score well on a test.

 

Guilt and Shame, The same side of a different coin

Most people when they talk about Shame and Guilt are generally meaning the same thing.  But there are differences between the two and different reasons for the two appearing.

Both guilt and shame fall under the sadness family of emotions and have many similarities in body postures and facial expressions but there are also differences that are subtle in their appearance.

Lets look at the the dictionary definition of the two words:

Guilt [gilt] noun: A feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offence, crime, wrong: whether real or imagined

Shame [sheym] noun: The painful feeling arising form consciousness of something dishonourable, improper, ridiculous etc.

 

Their definitions are quite clearly different but we seem to blur the edges between guilt and shame quite a lot. Perhaps we need a more understandable explanation of what guilt and shame are about.

I see shame as internalised about how we are being perceived, you can associate it with the question “what would people think…?”  This is why I say it is internalised.  A lot of the time shame appears before we even have any interaction with others.  These feelings can then be increased depending on the reaction of others, especially those we respect.  I still believe that shame starts with us.

Guilt can be both internal and external and is based on our understanding of moral limits.  If we have broken a well established behavioural rule we are likely to feel guilt.  As these rules are socially recognised by all people from the same social group we know we have breached the acceptable.  It is important to know that guilt would only be felt if you also accept the same moral code.  For instance something that is acceptable in your own country but considered a crime elsewhere would not necessarily result in guilt, unless you were aware that you were committing a crime and accepted the reason behind the crime.

It is also important to know that you can feel shame and guilt independently of each other.  Lying to a person in a position of power to protect someone else may not be shameful but would still have elements of guilt.  Stepping out of the toilets with your skirt tucked in your knickers would not cause guilt, but may make you feel shame.

Think of a man whose mother is very ill with a serious terminal medical condition.  There is no prospect of getting better and she is in constant pain.  There is no longer a quality of life.  She asks her son to help her end her life.  In the performance of the act would there be a feeling of guilt?  Guilt based on the ingrained ethical rules of killing another is morally wrong may be overridden by the need to help his mother.  The moral and ethical need to prevent someone he loved from suffering my override this more distant legal issue.  By giving permission the mother may have removed some of the guilt issues.  Would he feel shame at the act?  It is unlikely, he is given permission, he is helping his mother and stopping the ongoing suffering.

This is a very important distinction to be understood when you are looking at the responses that someone gives you.  Motives play a big part in the shame response.  If someone believes, either rightly or wrongly, that they are doing something for the right reasons, shame is unlikely to appear.  If they know they have committed a crime or a wrong they will feel guilt.

I would also consider that guilt is a developed and reinforced response.  As we grow older and come into contact more and more with the rights and wrongs of our society, the moral fences we work within are reinforced and built upon.  Exposure to media and social interaction further reinforces the ideas of right and wrong, making it more likely that guilt will be felt if one of these boundaries are crossed.

As mentioned, guilt and shame both fall under the sadness family of emotions so there will be many similarities with the sadness emotion.  Eyebrows pulled in and up in the middle and down at the outer edge; a turn down of the outer edge of the lips.  Lowered shoulders or a slumped posture. Often there will be a turning away or a down and away head posture, especially with shame, an almost “don’t look at me” pose.

There is something very important to consider when we are looking at shame and guilt.  They are key factors to being able to detect deception.  The emotional leakage required to pick up on a statement that lacks credibility may not be present if the deceiver feels no guilt or shame over the act.  No internal ethical barriers are broken, there is nothing to leak.  There could be reasons for this to happen.  Lack of experience in that particular area (unknown crime with no past experience of the rules); Autism and other medical conditions that can affect the emotional understanding may give a different result.

However, there is one other group that would not show shame or guilt, but instead may even show excitement or happiness.  The psychopath does not have the same moral or ethical triggers as the rest of society.  Their own pathology will allow their behaviour without consequence.

 

 

Emotional Salary

One of the biggest issues that I have come across quite regularly is the how companies, especially larger companies, have a lack of understanding in the emotional need of their staff.

When people start to look for a new job what are the things they look for?  Does the job match their own skill set?  What is the salary like, what benefits are included such as pension, healthcare and holiday entitlement.  But how many people investigate what sort of emotional salary and considerations a company pays.

Emotional salary can cover a number of things.  What support structure is in place to manage stress, sickness and absence?  Is that structure supportive or punitive? How accommodating are the company to the fact of day to day home life issues that occur.  How to they support the work life balance.  Do they allow staff to be themselves and display elements of individuality, or are they expected to conform to an established norm?

The morale of staff should always be one of the highest considerations for any company.  Happy staff are productive staff!  We all know this, especially in financially difficult times, when tough decisions have to be made.  The only way to make these changes successfully is to engage the staff and get them on board to help with the changes that have to happen.

People are naturally resistant to change, but the more unhappy someone is the more resistant they become.  A huge change for a business needs all the staff behind it for it to work.  Remember that the staff are the business.

Disgruntled staff become consistently resistant to change.  They raise their issues and get brushed off by unfeeling management.  There was a quote, and forgive me I don’t know the origin of it, that states “people don’t leave jobs, they leave managers”; never a truer word said.   Staff need to understand the reason why things are happening to them and being told “because this is how we are now doing it”, suddenly morale drops further.

This is the downward spiral.  Once faith in management has been lost, it becomes almost impossible to get it back.

The first thing that you can guarantee on is that when the job market improves there will be a mass exodus leaving your severely understaffed.  You will have to restart recruitment, training and with no experience staff that will take time and money.  Would it not be better to spend some money and time in the difficult times to keep your staff happy and build that loyalty; or is it better to spend significantly more money replacing the staff that have lost faith.

Keep your staff happy, invest in the way they feel, invest in their happiness and freedom of expression and you will end up with a more productive, faithful workforce.  Spend the time and money to make them happy and they will repay you by working harder and smarter.

Remember though that this should be a consistent approach, just throwing money at a problem will not make it go away.  People talk, and being labelled as an employer that doesn’t care may damage your chances of further recruitment of quality staff.   There are very small things that can be done to make the place a happier place to be.  Allow casual wear, make your office comfortable with places to go that are away from the workstations.  Consider your staff with morale boosting events.  Buying doughnuts may be a nice sweet treat, but does that cater for everyone?  How about fruit instead.  Have it on hand all the time they provide energy, essential vitamins and are a nice treat.

Some companies cater out their team building to outside agencies.  There is nothing wrong with this in itself, but who knows your staff better than you?  Who knows your team dynamic and where development is needed?

Outside agencies can give you ideas, support and the tools to do it, but team building should be something a company should be doing for itself.  Getting someone else to do it for you just builds another barrier between the managers and the staff.

Take responsibility for the emotional wellbeing of staff and they will take care of the overall well being of your company.